My father used to give me “reasons to cry.” Do you know what I mean by that? I was already crying. I was crying so hard I couldn’t catch my breath to tell my father why. He would ask me several times, get frustrated, and then give me a reason to cry. It was usually a slap on the ass or a tug on my arm, just enough to inflict some pain, yeah! Dad was special. Now I know some of you are reading this and thinking:
“Oh come on. My parents used to do that to me. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Well, ok, maybe I’m wrong. Let me make sure I have my facts straight. I am a child. I hurt myself or become frightened in such a way that I begin to cry. My father, the man who is biologically obligated to protect me, is unable to ascertain the reason for my distress. He has to protect me. His genes are screaming at him. But he can’t see what it hurting me. So, he inflicts mild pain on me to rectify the conflict. Now he knows why I am crying. And it is for my own good. He is in control again. Ugh.
It occurs to me that some of my wayward readers never actually suffered violence in the situation, merely threats. The famous “shut up or I will give you something to cry about!” technique. Sorry, friends, this one is bad too. The psychological message is this: “Stop feeling your emotions, right now, or I will harm you!” I should pitch that to Hallmark.
Go hug your children, right now.
The Writer's Notebook 