following first thought down to the bone of the spine

–following first thought down to the bone of the spine — following first though down to the toes — following first thought out the dew dipped window of morning over the roof over the treetops — outward and upward into thin air (treetops?) — dispersing clouds and perceiving land mass — continent –earth as a blue marble in an ocean of stars — in a family of planets — and then further and further to a galaxy, a universe and grander — until all I have ever seen or heard or known or felt is but a grain of sand — a particle speck in the center of a grain of sand — a particular speck on a grain of sand — magnificently miniscule but of the utmost importance to me — the hint of the fire at my core — I walk around all day — elated — alive — light in step and driven by seeming purpose — as if a burden is being shed — the sunlight cloudless expanse of sky like mind and I feel no fear of my own possibility — once paralyzed by a mind that sprang in every direction — now slowly embracing my own impressionistic eye — once panic-stricken by intense emotion — now slowly letting the passion fires of my feelings well up and pervade me — a balance of mind and heart? I close my eyes and see Buddhas serene and at peace within the ocean tidal wave tumult of thoughts and feelings –no pushing away but being sitting breathing in embrace and acceptance of all the self –images of water and sky possess me — wanderlust seizes me — plans and aspirations are all ahead of me and I want to throw a small pack over my shoulder and hike out to meet my spirit — the self I sent away so long ago — returning from the cold within new awareness — new strength — and we can forgive each other our many trespasses — embrace like lost brothers  and take the world that has always been mine — if you believe it –

in the presence of sunlight and deep beneath

— in the presence of sunlight and deep beneath his own breathing, he begins to sing his own scripture — steeped in the memory of dust particles dancing in a ray of morning afternoon gleaming — he focuses on the particle faces of each moment  — sits in the center stillness as the world swirls around him — free but rooted to the Earth — bound by gravity and the crawl of orbit — the sounds of life cascade his hearing — birds wind leaves tickling the air and random social conversations of other people living — loving each other’s skin with the many forms of touching — fingers raking over skin and lips brushing on lips — the slight warm breeze of a breath whispering in ear — he longs for the ocean and the white noise insistent persistent whisper of the tide — sit cross legged on a mound of sand and listen listen listen — feeling sound to the bone and weeping in silence at the hook in the heart of often unnoticed beauty — the fingerprint of moments — how long to learn such simple truth — he reflects — years of sitting breathing — thinking not thinking — the monks in maroon robes smiling at him from an altar — the tickling smell of incense — the golden dusk light of candles pulsating like the mind in deep meditation — the mantra pull on awareness — stay here now –and all the while longing to be swallowed by a lover —

~

last minute sighs and yawns of the day and outside the midnight window an evening bird sings an odd insomnia tune — no more words for tonight — only the rough sensations in the legs of a day melted away and the loveless bed awaiting — but still not sad or anxious — only abundant and full w/ my own captured bliss and feeling centered at long last — now to dream and capture images — sleep she said and kissed both his eyes — and he was dreaming already —